our house is quiet.
My older son is at a birthday sleepover tonight. I felt unsure about agreeing to him going.
You see, Mother's day has always been a special day for me. It is the one day since the boys have been old enough when they make me breakfast. I could always hear them banging around in the kitchen , with big smiles on their faces full of pride for a job well done with the finished project. They worked together and it made my heart swell with love.
When we lived in MN, my mom living next door, would come over in the early morning hours to assist when they were too little to be in the kitchen alone. Jack was always the ringleader...a week in advance, he was planning with my mom. Mom would inevitably have a chuckle or two shaking her head..... but never revealing.... like one year, I received a 4 toast toaster.... because jack thought it would be easier for me to toast at the same time instead of one of them waiting!!!
Mother's day 2015 was the start of my moms downward health spiral truth be told. She took a hard fall that day, at my home. In all the years I have practiced physical therapy, I have never had a patient fall , let alone that hard on my watch.... ugh.... Over the next almost year, she waged many health storms... somehow was able to pull through each ... As my brother described mom's health as Rubicks cube -like... many moving pieces....
I as most women, wear many hats. My most important job for the past year has been taking care of my mom. I believe my years of working with the geriatric population in Rochester MN primed me. My faith overflows when I stop and take a step back reflecting on how God prepared me with the tools to support her this past year.
Mothers Day 2016. It is my first mother's day not having a mom to celebrate. My mom passed away April 15th after a courageous 3 1/2 month battle with Leukemia. Although she was ill, the disease did not touch her spirit. Her passing was unexpected but expected if that makes any sense. Lets just say, her Oncologist went to visit her the next day, only finding out she had passed during the night!
this is how the conversation went:
"Macara, Dr. Menco".... pause....
"I came to see your mom..... what the hell happened?"
me:
"Dr. Menco, she passed last night..... I asked the nurses to contact you..."
"I guess you were not notified"
"I don't think she wanted hospice"
yup...
I choose to believe her faith was so strong, she chose to go home. Not having the need to hold on, she was not frightened of what the afterlife would hold. Steve said it was her Irish goodbye. Not wanting to say her final farewells. I know I will see her again in the spirit world but until then I look for the signs she is here with me.
Mother's Day feels different this year. I know that with time, I hope to have it feel special again. This year, I will undoubtedly have some heavy-heartedness with her absence. I look forward to watching my boys and their cooking skills on overload.... trying to lift my spirits.
For those of you who have moms that are living, appreciate and treasure the moments you have. As corny as it sounds, each day is a gift. For those of you whose club I have joined, my heart is wrapping around the idea right now.... cherish the memories, remember and share stories that make you laugh.
For all of you new to my blog, I would like for you to know it is just me, putting thoughts down. I don't blog about my health coaching or yoga here. It is about my life, my journey.
we took countless selfies on Christmas Eve, She just laughed because she never knew where to look!
This blog is dedicated to my mom, Terry Monroe. She lived an amazing 84 years. I want to share some of her favorite sayings:
Hidey-ho, Toodle-loo Dear Heart, May I make a suggestion..Don't borrow trouble, I'm not ready to go dancin and her hands down best....
See ya around the campus kiddo...
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