#Daily3 turns 2 today!

Oct 4, 2014 is the day my Daily 3 's began.

I shifted my thinking and started looking for the silver lining in my day to day life. I decided to start taking a quick photo of 3 things I was thankful for everyday. It became my own online gratitude journal.

You see, when Scott died, a shift happened... when people asked me how I was doing I gave them 3 responses... 1)thankful the bad guys didn't kill him(being in the Seal Teams it was always a possibility) my boys do not have subconscious feelings of retaliation  2) there was no question about if he had suffered (the coroner said he was dead before he hit the floor with this heart attack) and lastly 3) I didn't have to think about bringing his body back from over seas, since he had just returned from Africa 4 days earlier...That was my blanket response.... 3 things.... why? I have no idea.... 

For those of you new to my page, I will give you a snippet on the who and the why...

My name is Macara Brachmann, I was widowed at 41. I reconnected with a boy(SR) that I had gone to high school with many many moons ago. He also had been widowed several years earlier. Our long distance relationship evolved into an amazing deep love that it is today . It is uniquely ours, 2 widows, 3 teenage boys and 2 Labradors (do I need to put in, plenty of crazy?)

Logistics:

SR and I had a long distance relationship...me in MN which had been our home for the past eight year and SR in CA. 

We decided it was time to live under one roof, so the big move happened in 2013 , returning to CA and into SR's home. It was never intended to be our second chapter home. Steve had lived is his home for 12 years and we agreed that we wanted the boys to be living closer to where they were going to go to school.It was a great house, but it was time for change. We started prepping the house to put on the market and started some serious house hunting. 

The next phase was where the whirlwind began. 

SR's house was a great house, so much so that he had an offer, FULL PRICE, ALL CASH + oh AND 20 DAY ESCROW!!! only being on the market 4 days!!!!

yup, SHIT HIT the FAN...

Life went into complete get'er done mode. You know what I mean, the panic of oh shit, 20 days to pack and find a house.... 

Well, lets just say, we didn't find a house in 20 days. We ended up moving into what I call a cozy original bungalow (can you read between the lines?) So original that we had one outlet in the kitchen! yup  circa 1950's.

Mentally, I knew moving into this place,  was only temporary.  I am a firm believer you can do anything you set your mind to. Living in the cozy bungalow with an insane commute to get the boys to school and their sporting activities,was only temporary I kept telling myself. I knew that we would eventually find our family home. It was a discouraging process but in retrospect necessary.

We moved into this cozy bungalow with the mindset, 3 months, we will definitely have found  our next home in 3 months....

After we moved in. The dust settled so to speak and I was staring at what I was calling home. Dark wood paneling, 1200 square feet, cozy for this family of 5 and 2 large pups . I  had to pull up my big girl panties and say to myself, I can make anyplace feel like home dammit. 

What was the easiest fix?.... PAINT!!!


I knew that painting the dark paneling was the easiest fix. A fresh coat of white paint went up and made a significant difference, the house felt cleaner, more like a quaint cottage. Or at least that is how I decided to spin it in my own mind.


3 months turned into 7... 

I would sit in the house and feel overwhelmed at all that transpired for us to be living there. It was pretty craptastic, I'm not gonna lie. If I told you the entire story your head would be shaking, like you gotta be kidding me....I kept telling myself, it was happening for a reason, it would all make sense at some point....

 I decided that the way I was going to change my mindset was to take 3 pictures a day of appreciation. no fancy lighting and cameras, just my phone camera + 3 things that made me smile. 3 things that might not make a difference to anyone else on the planet, but for me on that day, it did.That day was OCT 4,2014 my #Daily3 was born.... I began training my brain to look for the silver lining of each day.

This was my first post, I think to myself why didn't I start on Oct 1? Who knows.... Oct 4 was when my clarity of shifting hit.  It was absolutely nothing exciting... morning coffee with coconut oil, my dinner at the Habit and enjoying some quality time with Mitchell while the little's were at football practice....this was my transitional life... I had to find moments that made me smile.

I made the commitment to myself to post everyday.....  What happened next was such a complete surprise.  I started receiving emails from people who had found my page and were thanking me... I thought to myself... why? I started these posts purely as a method to shift my thinking going through a sucky situation and somehow someway, it is touching others.... Interesting how life works....

After a complete renovation, we  moved into our home The RNB (Rogers n Brachmann) in March of 2015.  I decided to continue to post since truth be told, it helps me stay focused on the good in my day to day life. Raising teenage boys, any children for that matter, can be challenging.... this keeps me focused on the good in each day. The re-wiring was a success! 

So although I was faced with living in that original cozy bungalow in Reseda Ca,with a 3 hour commute each day... something wonderful resulted....little did I ever consider that my #daily3 could make a difference in other people's lives.

Last year was #daily3's 1st anniversary!

this was my 1 year post... we were driving down the  I-5 back to Agoura after being in Stockton for the weekend. Not super exciting, I know, but again, this is my real life, it is not always rainbow and unicorns! Although we did have rainbows and tutu's that day :)

This life has been quite a journey in all honesty.At 46, I am thankful where I am standing today.  My heart is humbled by the response of others. I am happy to know that my nightly posts have turned into something that others look forward to seeing.

It has become a bit of a joke with the kiddos, the novelty as they say..." is all over rover".... They are not wanting to be tagged.....I think in the pretend world of social media +Instagram, I don't have the staged pics or a ton of followers..... 

Here is the good news, it doesn't matter to me! 

I am keeping it genuine to who I am and why it began....I would be lying to you if I said it was easy to find 3 things everyday... some days its tough... but all the more reason to find and post..I am embracing this journey I have been given..looking for the silver lining... that is always there...

I am not going to dive deeply into the benefits of bringing gratitude into your life in this post,I will save that for another time.  What I will say is this, when you bring the habit of gratitude into your life, changes happen....

here are just a few:

• stronger immune systems + lower blood pressure
• more joy + optimism
• sleep better

I do laugh at times. I get posts from many different people trying to solicit me. Here is my info if you are interested. I am in private practice as a Certified Health Coach. I only take as many clients as I can balance with my own life. I received my training through IIN, I am AADP certified, I  have my 200-RYT and am a contributor to Mindbodygreen.... BLISS with Mac, Balanced Living In Small Steps is my practice. I don't sell any specific products or product line, I am not getting paid for any endorsements, if I post a product, it is because I believe and have used them .. I teach my clients how to find balance in their lives...teaching them about shifting their thinking...finding their own sweet spot...finding homeostasis.... we are all different...BUT.... there is one central idea that is universal....

 Water,Vegetables and exercise are good for you

So today, I say Happy Birthday Daily 3's and thank you. I am thankful that my mindset in day to day living has shifted. It continues to make my heart full when people who first meet me say I have such a great attitude! I am thankful for the people who have reached out and lives I've touched. I hope you begin to see the silver lining in your days as I have done mine. ...   I am so very grateful for those of you who have supported this journey of my Daily3 's these past two years, thank you.  

I am looking forward to what this next year brings. I have a feeling good things are coming in 2017 ;)


Health and Happiness,

mother's day 2016, wowza

today is the Saturday before Mother's day 2016. it is overcast with some off and on drizzle, which makes for a day lounging in comfy sweats.

our house is quiet. 

My older son is at a birthday sleepover tonight. I felt unsure about agreeing to him going. 

You see, Mother's day has always been a special day for me. It is the one day since the boys have been old enough when they make me breakfast. I could  always hear them banging around in the kitchen , with big smiles on their faces full of pride for a job well done with the finished project. They worked together and it made my heart swell with love. 

When we lived in MN, my mom living next door, would come over in the early morning hours to assist when they were too little to be in the kitchen alone. Jack was always the ringleader...a week in advance, he was planning with my mom. Mom would inevitably have a chuckle or two shaking her head..... but never revealing.... like one year, I received a 4 toast toaster.... because jack thought it would be easier for me to toast at the same time instead of one of them waiting!!!

Mother's day 2015 was the start of my moms downward health spiral truth be told. She took a hard fall that day, at my home. In all the years I have practiced physical therapy, I have never had a patient fall , let alone that hard on my watch.... ugh.... Over the next almost year, she waged many health storms... somehow was able to  pull through each  ... As my brother described mom's health as  Rubicks cube -like... many moving pieces....

I as most women, wear many hats. My most important job for the past year has been taking care of my mom. I believe my years of working with the geriatric population in Rochester MN primed me. My faith overflows when I stop and take a step back reflecting  on how God prepared me with the tools to support her this past year. 

Mothers Day  2016. It is my first mother's day not having a mom to celebrate. My mom passed away April 15th after a courageous 3 1/2 month battle with Leukemia. Although she was ill, the disease did not touch her spirit. Her passing was unexpected but expected if that makes any sense. Lets just say, her Oncologist went to visit her the next day, only finding out she had passed during the night! 

this is how the conversation went:

"Macara, Dr. Menco".... pause....

"I came to see your mom..... what the hell happened?"

me:

"Dr. Menco, she passed last night..... I asked the nurses to contact you..."

"I guess you were not  notified"

"I don't think she wanted hospice"

yup...

I choose to believe her faith was so strong, she chose to go home. Not having the need to hold on, she was not frightened of what the afterlife would hold. Steve said it was her Irish goodbye. Not wanting to say her final farewells. I know I will see her again in the spirit world but until then I look for the signs she is here with me.

Mother's Day feels different this year. I know that with time, I hope to have it feel special again. This year, I will undoubtedly have some heavy-heartedness with her absence. I look forward to watching my boys and their cooking skills on overload.... trying to lift my spirits. 

For those of you who have moms that are living, appreciate and treasure the moments you have. As corny as it sounds, each day is a gift. For those of you whose club I have joined, my heart is wrapping around the idea right now.... cherish the memories, remember and share stories that make you laugh.

For all of you new to my blog, I would like for you to know it is just me, putting thoughts down. I don't blog about my health coaching or yoga here. It is about my life, my journey.

                  celebrating her 84th on March 30th


we took countless selfies on Christmas Eve, She just laughed because she never knew where to look!



This blog is dedicated to my mom, Terry Monroe. She lived an amazing 84 years. I want to share some of her favorite sayings:

Hidey-ho, Toodle-loo Dear Heart, May I make a suggestion..Don't borrow trouble, I'm not ready to go dancin and her hands down best....
 See ya around the campus kiddo...

the 9 books that transformed my life

9 books that transformed my life

I get asked by many people how can I be so positive with all that I have been through. How am I always able to see the bright side of most situations? What I can say is this, first, I am not always happy, I am human, just ask my boys I’m sure they have plenty of examples for you J Second, I have recognized through my own journey, life is just that a journey. We are here to learn from both the good and not so good. There are lessons all around if we take the time to look. I choose to see life as a gift, I think being widowed at 41 created this change in mindset.

I do understand that we are all on our own journeys. We have different paths. B.K.S Iyengar said it best in #5 on the list, “What most people want is the same. Most people want physical and mental health, understanding and wisdom and peace and freedom.

With those wise words, I give you my list. The books listed below have shaped and molded me into the person I am. It is my hope that a seed is planted.

1.    Conversations with God volume 1 , an uncommon dialogue, Neal Donald Walsch:

 I    interestingly enough, I bought this books years BEFORE (10 to be exact) I actually read it. This book intrigued me. It opened up wonderful conversations with mom (who had been a nun for 8 years but did not take her final vows). This book can be powerful if you are open. I read after Scott passed and was pretty raw. It was a powerful book for me. 

  2. Broken Open, Elizabeth Lesser:

Personally, it was a toss-up between 1 and 2. This book was suggested to me by a dear friend. It is filled with short stories of several people’s struggles. The common thread of being broken open. Being taken out at the knees, not knowing how to go on. For those that choose to phoenix from the ashes and live their "second life". Learning to take the lessons from their "first life" and help others. I have re-read this book many times, I use a different highlighter each time.... the pages have turned into quite a rainbow. 

3.  The 5 love languages (all versions are great, adults, teens, kids), Gary D.        Chapman:

Words of affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving gifts, Quality Time, Physical touch….

I recognized that as I have gotten older, my love languages change….

This book brought clarity to my needs within my own relationships and also to my boys. 

      4.  The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz:

I believe everyone would benefit from reading. Four simple rules to live life. 

1^st) Be impeccable with your word  2^nd)Don’t take anything personally 3^rd) Don’t make assumptions 4^th) Always do your best….

     

 5. Light on Life, B.K.S. Iyengar:

One of my first yoga reading's. It reminded me of reading Proverbs in the Old Testament or a grandmother passing on wisdom. From Asana's to Ananda and everything between.  It is about an inward journey to enlightenment. Truly brilliant.

      6.   Yamas and Niyamas, Deborah Adele:

       Another yogi read. You will find many yoga studios will have classes reading this gem. It can be thought of as guidelines or golden nuggets of wisdom *that give direction to a well lived and joyful life*. Yamas- restraints, includes nonviolence, truthfulness, nonstealing, nonexcess and nonpossessiveness.  Niyamas- observerances, include purity, contentment, self-discipline, self-study and surrender. 

  

 7.  The Power of positive thinking, Dr. Norman Vincent Peale:

When thinking back, this was the first planted seed to 'the shift is the gift' thinking. It carries a message of faith and inspiration that has lasted the test of time. First published in 1952, it is as pertinent today as the day it was written. 

      8.  Living with Himalyan Masters, Swami Rama:

      Swami Rama takes you on his journey with stories of living with 5 different Himalayan masters. The stories are amazing, entertaining and enlightening. I think I devoured this book in a few days, the stories were that good. 

9. The Bible Promise Book:

It is a modified cliff note version of the Bible. One can look up easily for specific needs. Trust, Anger, Courage, Guidance. It is a quick reference for the reader to find biblical verses that directly relate to the topic of interest.

Wishing you health and happiness,

*Deborah Adele, Yamas and Niyamas

smack in the sandwich generation

Jan 14,2016

why hello 2016 ...

2015 was a huge transitional year for me. With the ups of moving into our new home the RNB, came  some downs, with my mom falling on Mother's Day. I chose not to  speak too much about my mom and her health on my social media because in all honesty people  visiting  my sites probably would rather not to hear about me feeling overwhelmed about my 83 year old mother's rising health issues. It is something I cope with privately.


SANDWICH GENERATION;
noun
a generation of people typically in their thirties or forties, responsible for bringing up their own children and for the care of their aging parents....

yup, that is me..

I am my mom's only girl and I am the baby of the family. I always felt that girls typically take on more of the caretaker role as their parents age. This is true for me. As I have written on many posts, I believe that everything that happens in life is for a reason.

Before I moved to MN, my physical therapy career had been at same clinic for 7 years where I has completed my first clinical rotation. When I moved to MN, I felt like I needed to explore different environments before commiting to a single facility. So, I decided to work PRN for outside registry, where I worked  in a wide variety of settings, acute care, ortho outpatients, TCU, SNF.

At the end of a year, I found myself working for an amazing company in Rochester MN. Majority of the caseload was TCU/SNF.

Why am I writing about this?

1) I learned that I really do enjoy treating the geriatric population. Strange huh? I know, it took me a bit by surprise as well. What I can tell you is this... Although they were not physically not as advanced, they could have medically complex cases. I learned  to look at the whole person not just the diagnosis. There is something quite powerful when you witness a  patient regain their independence. 2) I  recognized doctors not communicating with each other(right hand not talking to the left) for whatever the reason... and the patient being left in the middle.

My years in MN has brought me to where I stand today, my mom's wing man and advocate.

Since her fall, I have been diligent about keeping  all doctors in communication with each other about all blood work , test findings medication changes, etc.  

We went to her Oncology appointment  last Thursday (to discuss her Bone Marrow biopsy findings), I asked my best friend Tiffany to go, I wanted to have another set of ears listening in case my emotions inhibited  me from  hearing everything. I also had my brother on speaker phone , again, just in case, since I knew he would be asking me many questions.  It was simply easier and I believe a sound decision.

At  83 my mom was diagnosed  with CMML, a rare form of Leukaemia.

Chronic Myelomonocytic Leukaemia

There I wrote it.


Once we were given a definitive diagnosis, the doc said, "it sounds way worse than it is" I looked at him slightly puzzled. He was optimistic because her hemoglobin numbers were going up since stopping a certain medication for her Rheumatoid Arthritis.  It was suppressing her Bone Marrow production. So in the last 2 weeks, she feels better than she has in the past 4 months....


The next day, we went see her primary doc. The usual pleasantries were done, then she looked at  her chart.... She saw there was already a faxed dictation from her Oncologist from the day before. Her primary thanked me for the great job I have done creating this open dialogue with her doctors. She had never experienced such fluid communication.


Why am I writing a blog about this?

Well, I think it is a bit therapeutic for me in all honesty.It is my truth.You see the reality is that I try very hard to see where the lessons are in life. I look for the reasons, especially during shitty times. I realize that my years in MN were in preparation to help my mom . I trust God, even when it is difficult to see the forest through the trees. 

What I can tell you with 100% certainty is that my mom has  a positive attitude, strong faith and an amazingly strong constitution. We are at a place where we are in a holding pattern. No treatment plan, no cure. That's strangely ok and I am at peace.

I am a member of  the sandwich generation.  I will continue to make sound decisions for both my mom and my boys when given the opportunity. I am thankful to have been chosen to be her daughter and their mom. Although challenging at times, I am thankful for my tribe.

So if you follow my #daily3 pictures of appreciation, and see a post about my mom, you will understand. If you see a post with Steve, know he is my rock during difficult times. I am forever thankful for my life and my journey. 

Wishing you health and happiness,

My Daily 3's turns 1 today!

October 4, 2015 

One year ago, this was my first post.

At the time, I had no intentions other than to shift my thinking, implementing  some of my own advice .

 For those of you who are not familiar with my back story, here is an every so brief summary. 

I was widowed at 41.  A native Californian  living in Northfield MN. Steve extended an olive branch to me when Scott passed. We had known each other since the 7th grade and graduated high school together.You see, he had experienced his wife passing 3 years earlier. He understood  how challenging the first year would be. Our relationship grew into what it is today, it is uniquely ours. 2 widows, 3 boys. A modern day Brady Bunch minus girls, our new blended family. 


The boys and I moved from MN into SR's home with his son Luke.  We knew that this would not be our forever home. We knew the town where our next house needed to be and began actively looking. At the same time were prepping Steve's house for sale.

The house went on  the market after July 4 weekend. Sold in 4 days, 20 day escrow, all CASH.... How does that happen? We had yet to find a house to buy!! Oh crap. 

Life went into complete get'er done mode..... You know what I mean, the panic of the oh shit, we have 20 days... pack, find a house and oh, move....

Well, lets just say, we didn't find a house in 20 days. We ended up moving into what I call a cozy original bungalow (can you read between the lines?) So original that we had one outlet in the kitchen! yup  circa 1950's.

Mentally, I knew moving into this place,  was only temporary.  I am a firm believer you can do anything you set your mind to. Living in the cozy bungalow with an insane commute to get the boys to school and their sporting activities,was only temporary I kept telling myself. I knew that we would eventually find our family home. It was a discouraging process but in retrospect necessary.

We moved into this cozy bungalow with the mindset, 3 months, we will definitely have found  our next home in 3 months....

3 months turned into 7... 

After we moved in. The dust settled so to speak and I was staring at what I was calling home.Dark wood paneling, 1200 square feet, cozy for this family of 5 and at the time 2 Labradors . I  had to pull up my big girl panties and say to myself, I can make anyplace feel like home dammit. 

I did need to call in support, at least to paint. I knew that living with dark paneling was the easiest fix. A fresh coat of white paint went up and made a significant difference, the house felt cleaner, like a quaint cottage. Or at least that is how I decided to spin it in my own mind.

I would sit in the house and feel overwhelmed at all that transpired for us to be living there. It was pretty craptastic, I'm not gonna lie. I decided that the way I was going to change my mindset was to take 3 pictures a day of appreciation.Things that made me smile, things that might not make a difference to anyone else on the planet, but for me on that day, it did. I had to shift my thinking. 

 This is where my #daily 3 began.  My first #daily 3 posted Oct 4,2014.

My dinner at the Habit, morning coffee with coconut oil and being able to enjoy some time with Mitchell while the little's were at football practice. Like I said, not earth shattering by any means... but this was my transitional life...

In the past year, we bought the RNB (Rogers n Brachmann for those unfamiliar) Demo, remodel and move has happened. Commute time has been replaced with boys riding bikes to school and friends knocking at the door wondering if boys can play... : )

I continued posting, for my own sanity mostly. What happened next was such a huge surprise.... I started receiving emails... from people who found my posts and were thanking me... I thought to myself... why? my daily 3 have been purely a therapeutic posting for me.. how could my daily 3 make a difference in other peoples lives? interesting how life works...

So while I really was challenged to live in that cozy original bungalow in Reseda, something amazing began....

This has been quite a journey..In all truth, I am a bit taken aback by the response but think it is pretty awesome. It makes my heart happy to know that my personal daily 3 has turned into something that others look for. It has become fun within the family and friends what will make it into my 3... These are snapshots of my life, what make me smile...

So there you have it my story of #daily3 

If you are interested in #daily3, you can follow on instagram Blisswithmac, Face Book or Twitter.... although, in all honesty, I'm not so Twitter savvy.... 

I want to personally thank all of you that have followed this journey of #daily3 from the beginning.I also want to thank first time readers. I look forward to seeing where it goes from here! Please feel free to share my links : )



Wishing you all the best
with Peace, Love, Blessings and Gratitude
Mac

The shift is the gift

Sept 7, 2015


Shifting your thinking....

I woke up in the middle of the night last week with an idea. An idea that kept me awake as I tried to force myself back to sleep.I acknowledged what was happening, made a mental note of the idea and then I was able to fall back to sleep. That sentence will make sense in a minute. You see, this has happened to me in the past.

It first happened after my dad died in 1989. At the time I was 18, and I admit  I was freaked out after watching my father take his last breath and leave this physical world. I found it very difficult to sleep for the months to follow.

Several months later, I had a life changing conversation with a family member. Lola explained to me, not to be afraid of my dad making contact with me in my dreams. That I needed to change my way of  thinking. She went on to tell me it was a gift. I think I looked at her in utter disbelief, so she went on to explain that  he was visiting me, not to have me feel scared but to reassure. To know that his spirit was alive and well. That he would always be with me, while not in his physical body but in spirit.

That was a lot for my teenage brain to wrap my head around. Not gonna lie. That seed was planted and needed a lot of water.... 

Fast forward.

Scott died suddenly in the shower of a massive heart attack. My boys unfortunately found him with my dear neighbor.

I was in shock. It was devastating.

When people began to ask me how I was doing, Something shifted my thoughts. I would say to them this:

1) I am happy that the bad guys didn't kill him. That my boys will never feel the need to seek revenge.(having been in the Seal Teams for 21 years there was a possibility of this)

2) There was no question about if he suffered. The coroner said it was very clear he was gone before he hit the ground.

3) I couldn't imagine having to transport his body back from overseas. He had just returned from Africa 4 days earlier. He was home. I have a friend whose husband passed in Iraq. By the time his body was returned and an autopsy was performed, all tests proved inconclusive. She was left with no closure.

I focused on the silver lining of the shitty cloud I was under.

The shift in my thinking had happened without me even realizing. How and why I have no reason or answers.

It just happened. It was a gift.

When I meet people for the first time and they have been told the story, they look at me and say they are sorry. I think this is an automatic response. My usual response goes something like this, there is no need to apologize for what I have gone through. It has molded me into the person I have become. I did the work, learned valuable lessons and am far stronger and wiser than I ever could have imagined.


I had read a book years ago by Elizabeth Lesser called Broken Open. It is a powerful book with several short stories of people going through tragic situations. The premise was this, you can continue to live your first life.... or you can phoenix from the ashes of the tragedy and live a second life with meaning and purpose. Not forgetting the events, but using the knowledge one gains in those times to help others. 

Shifting you thinking

I hashtag #theshiftisthegift all the time on my social media. I am a firm believer that you can rise and phoenix, if you choose. Shifting your thinking does not have to refer only to when tragedy strikes. It can be usefully applied in day to day situations.

 I use the example of my mom. When she was diagnosed with Rheumatoid years ago,she was put on Lasix. A medication to decrease fluid retention. She had to pee a lot. She was letting me know how tired she was getting up and down having to go to the bathroom. I explained to her she needed to shift her thinking... She needed to think of transitioning from sit <--> stand as an exercise. It was an opportunity to get her legs stronger. 

At first she looked at me like I was a bit nutzo and laughed.Then she realized the logic. Now?... my mom does not mention the Lasix side effects. If anything, she tells me how many "squats"she gets in during the day!

I woke up the other night, with the idea of writing a blog about shifting thinking.I have come to accept my thoughts that come during my sleep as a gift from the other side, just as Lola explained so many years ago.

In truth, I am not sure why the idea came to me.I choose to trust my inner compass and my gut. I firmly believe someone out there in need of  guidance in shifting their mindset. Possibly this little blog of mine can make a difference.

Wishing you all the best,

first born, first ticket

Aug 12,2015

wow, what a week it has been and it's only Wednesday! 

let me start this blog by saying that this blog has no other intention except to put my thoughts down. there is no health,lets get exercising making good food choices information here. This is me, Macara  and my thoughts on life in blog. There are no editors making  grammatical corrections for me, changing sentence structure. There are going to be run on sentences and to be completely honest,it is exactly how I wish it to be. For those that know me, they know how I speak, my personality, my energy. It is my intention to bring the essence of my spirit to the pages of this blog.

With that said, lets get down to business , the topic of the blog....the story of Mitchell Scott Brachmann and his first ticket...

Oh man. 

Let me go back for a moment to remind readers of our  basic story.

Steve and I are both widowed. We have known each other since 7th grade. We graduated high school together way back in 1987. We went our separate ways after graduation... we are together not by chance, the ones we loved brought us together. our story is uniquely ours and a blog for another day. Lets just say, I never in a million years would have thought that I would be widowed at 41 and living back in CA ,with SR and our beautiful crazy life.

I trusted the process.

Back to Mitchell. 

Summer of 2014

Mitchell  was going into 9th grade  and  really wanted to take a specific AP class, Human Geography. I learned to take this AP class in the fall, he had to go to summer school, to take a pre-requisite course for 3 weeks. Fine, I thought.... Then I was informed that summer school is not free!I thought! The class would cost,(not going to be accurate on this) between $300-400 for 3 weeks (!?!) The cost took me by surprise, but  after a few heart to heart conversations, I realized how much he wanted to take this class,so  summer school was a go.

The deal we made was this.... he would  have to ride his(new) bike to and from school. He needed to show increased responsibility. At the time we were living in Steve's old house which was close to Calabassas High School, where the district had scheduled summer school. He was willing. 3 weeks in total. easy he thought....

I will say this, I was apprehensive about him riding his bike on the busy streets of Woodland Hills and Calabassas. This was definitely not Northfield MN! Lots of traffic, busy streets...I drove him the route which we felt was safest. I explained which side of the street to  bike and the crosswalks to use etc.

 I was uncomfortable thinking of him biking to school,to say the least. I think any parent with their first born feels these same things.You have to allow their growth,  as uncomfortable as it may be.  So I said a quiet prayer as I watched him head out the door the first day. I waited anxiously for him to bike up the driveway and tell me about his day.

3 weeks.....

In the  3 weeks, he got 7 flat tires, 3 in one day. No joke. I still don't know exactly how that one happened. I believe Steve and I were out of town and my mom was watching the boys.  He was pretty flustered as anyone would have been. I think he ended up  watching some you tube videos on how to change a tire since my mom wasn't too much help!

The last day of school arrived July 24,2014.. Final day....

I receive a  text... a picture of a ticket... huh? 

He goes on to tell me the story.. my mom and I laughed. A lot...

He did what he had done for the prior 3 weeks, crossed at the crosswalks went onto campus.. 

the last day, a police officer on a moped was sitting in  a driveway of a home next to the school. Pulled him over...

his offense? 

riding his bicycle against traffic for approximately 50 feet in the bike lane...

He had not brought his ID with him on the last day. Mitchell was truthful and gave the officer all of his information, was issued the ticket and was late to his final. The little boys couldn't believe he actually told the officer his true name,age,address etc. It was quite funny to listen to the banter between them. As a parent I was proud that he told the truth.

To say it flustered him was an understatement.

You see in our old home town in MN, police officers would stop kids for wearing their helmets and give them Dairy Queen or Culvers coupons as a reward!

Mitchell honestly thought he was being punked. He couldn't believe that it was happening and the officer was serious about the violation!

I told him I was not upset with him and we would handle the issue. It was a great topic of conversation for the rest of the summer..Nobody we spoke to could believe an actual ticket was issued!

We all agreed that it was an awfully slow crime day in Calabassas....

As summer came to a close, Mitchell and I went to the courthouse to wrap the looming ticket issue up with a big bow. Pay the fine and call it lesson learned....

$470 fine... 

the woman behind the counter was mortified at the violation and that the officer actually wrote the ticket! Quietly, she gave us words of advice told us what court room to ask for and to go to court.

So we did, 1st court date April 16,2015!

Yes, that is correct... 

We get back from Spring Break in Hawaii and have court that week. 

He wanted to tell the judge his side of the story. 

So we sat in a courtroom with 270 other people. It was traffic court. It was straight from a Key and Peele substitute teacher skit with roll call

in-case you havent seen.... 


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dd7FixvoKBw

With the ethnic diversity of traffic court, listening the deputy attempt pronouncing challenging names made me smile.

What I was not expecting in traffic court was to  have a pre-recorded audio tape (imagine in the airplane) with instructions played...

basically,

The judge will hear you plea,
1)guilty
2)not guilty
3)no contest
Have your ducks in a row, be ready.... time is valuable..

Holy crap, I looked at Mitchell and thought, well, so much for telling your story. 
You are guilty, yes, but you didn't know the law!!! I was not feeling like a very good mom at that moment, I lacked solid advice. I kept thinking oh shit, stay calm... 

He was called up in the first group, third called to the stand.

She read his charges aloud,  recognized what she had read, took off her glasses looked him in the eyes and asked how he was. He was scared. My heart was pounding out of my chest, I kept intentionally taking long exhales to stay calm for outward appearances.

When I say that the entire courtroom sighed at the reading of his charges that is not an exaggeration....you could hear people say, things like I cant believe he got a ticket for that!

The judge said, "Well I know I feel safer seeing what cars are coming toward me while I ride my bike, but I know the law"....He replied, "I do too,  I didn't know the law your honor"

He pled with tears in his eyes, no contest...

20 hours of community service.!?!

We were escorted to the side door to fill out paperwork. He sat there quietly in the corner, I could see he was going to lose it, 20 hours of community service for this? then the flood gates opened...pent up emotions all released....

I did my best to calm him, reassure him, hold him, allow him his journey, but try to get him to listen...

The wonderful ladies behind the counter got out their white out rollers and started telling him he was able to change his plea and not to worry about any of this, it was not going to be a permanent mark on his record, he was a minor.  He finally heard them...

He decided to change his plea,but we had to wait until all 270 people had been called to the stand.In total we waited 4 hours. Thankfully, Mitchell's anxiety had time to subside, as he was able to witness a few people who were standing before the judge clearly not telling the full truth. He was able to watch the process from the third party perspective and gain some understanding of the process...

We were the only ones left in the court room... finally our turn..


The judge called him back up. She said, "Well I see Mr. Brachmann that you haven't seen me enough today and  you want to change your plea." 

The judge took her time explaining to him  all the different scenarios so he understood the law and his options. He stood there and said, "I simply want to tell you my side of the story your honor. " My heart melted.

He pled no contest... trial set, Aug 10,2015.

Fast forward...

Has it been in the back of our minds he was going to court? of course. Did the looming date create uneasy feelings? Oh yeah it did... what was the worst thing that could happen? We discussed. The officer would show up and each would tell the judge their side.(I did have him take an online bicycle safety course to show that he was taking responsibility for his actions...)  Worst case scenario, he would get 20 hours of community service and hopefully he could have it count for school volunteer hours as well. He was ready for whatever was going to happen.


We waited patiently outside the same courtroom. Several police officers began arriving... I would ask him, do any look familiar? He couldn't remember.

The courtroom's energy was different this time.... All were here for trial....
Officers were designated to one side of the room, civilians the other... we sat and waited patiently....

No pre-recorded directions this time....

We continued to sit with some anxiety not knowing if the officer was going to show.

His name was called for check in.

After 30 minutes, the same Judge we had in April called his name....

She said ,"Your officer did not arrive, your case is DISMISSED!!!"

For those of you who follow  BLISS with Mac, my #daily3 pictures of appreciation on FB or Instagram , I posted these for Aug 10.. I took them walking out of the courtroom...

Although more than 3 pictures for the day, I had to capture me taking some much needed moments of quiet once we returned home...

Here is the original ticket, barely readable... although I thought it would be fun to frame, I think it will find it's place in a memory box to be looked at many years from now, only a distant memory.

I want to thank the officer for not showing up. Although a small part of me wanted to see the man who actually had given a 13 year old a ticket for this offense instead of a warning... At the end of the day, I remind myself, it was exactly as it was supposed to be.

We were outside our comfort zone, there was growth, many lessons learned and maturity gained from July 24,2014 to Aug 10,2015.


Being a mom is the most challenging jobs I have been given. It also is the most rewarding. 

Life is about the journey.... embrace the moments...

All the best,