Quick post, Happy New Years

As 2014 comes to a close, I wanted to personally thank every single person that has chosen to read this blog and began supporting  Bliss with Mac my inaugural  year.

I am humbled by the support. It was my intention starting this blog for people to get to know who I am. I wanted to share with readers, so that readers would have a better understanding of the kind of person I am. It is my hope that you feel as you read this blog, I become like an old friend.

I have not yet blogged about health or wellness, that was not the initial intention of this blog. I'm not quite sure where this blog will take me in the next year  but I am looking forward to sharing pieces of my life with you.

It is my hope you enjoy coming back and reading whats going on in my little part of this world.

I'm wishing you health and happiness for 2015

All the best,

a very personal entry, Merry Christmas

I was not sure I wanted to blog about something so personal.  I spent some time in prayer and quiet hoping clarity would come. It did.

I would like to write a bit about something that I have experienced . Some that know me, know the story in which I am about to tell.

Scott passed away on December 12, 2011. Our lives turned upside down. I made all decisions based on my gut. I was not able to truly openly grieve without my boys being around until my mom's 80th birthday in March 2012.

 We were in Sonoma at the Carneros Inn celebrating my moms birthday during the boys spring break. My gut was telling me, I needed quiet time with nature and to sweat.  I have a special trail I have taken over the years through the vineyards. To say it is peaceful and grounding is an understatement, I feel as though I return home when I put my feet on this particular trail.

That run truly transformed me. Not the run per say, but what I heard. You see up until that week, I had not even thought about reading a book about grief. Not quite sure why, just hadn't been a thought. I think I had been to overwhelmed trying to keep my head above water to think about reading.

Well, this is what I will tell you. I ran, and admittedly I was a hot mess. Tears were streaming down my cheeks, snot running down my face, I was a mess.  I knew the emotions needed to surface. I was told once by a dear friend Amy E,  to allow the emotions to come like a house guest you don't want to stay at your house. Accept the emotions to surface, knowing they will not be staying forever.

Accept I did and lets just say,oh my.

So as I was running, there was a crow that I swear that it was following me. I started thinking to myself that it was Scott's spirit. I then began using logic, thinking maybe I might be nuts. Right then and there I knew that I needed to order a book or two on grief. I was clearly ready for the next step. I found out that seeing spirits in animals in completely normal, phew.

As some of you that have read my blog know, Andy Grammer was my go-to artist during the initial months following Scott's passing. Sometimes,I enjoy putting my playlist on shuffle and see what would play, looking for a sign of some type. I know this sounds odd to some, but it is bizarre how a certain song will play at exactly the right moment, complete serendipity.

Then it happened.

 I heard him, not out loud, but in my head, clear as day. I cant quite describe it any other way. This is what I heard:

"Mac, it has to be this way, trust me"

He kept repeating this.

I cant tell you know how many times I heard this during that run.It was a bit like a Long Island Medium moment. I cant explain how clear as day it sounded. I heard his voice down into my bones. I came back to the house, I had  experienced an awakening or sorts.  I made the decision that I was going to focus my attention inward. I was going to focus  my energy on supporting and raising our boys and making me the best Macara that I could be.
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Widowed at 41.

Those that know me know that I am not a victim. I don't identify with that word. I have experienced a pity party or two in my years. But, they are short lived. What I can tell you is that I was going to prioritize. I knew that I would find another man at some point. I was only 40, but my focus was this, after 19 years with Scott Brachmann, I needed to figure out who Macara was, without Scott.

So that is exactly what I did. I retreated and kept to my little family. I did my work. I found myself.

Fast forward to summer of 2012.

Steve and I had began long distance dating. One of his trips to MN we went to La-la palooza in Chicago. By the time we arrived , we needed a bit of a nap since most activities happen late into the night. We had decided to drive, ugh the traffic from MN was not so great. So we napped to recharge for the night's festivities. (fyi, take the plane from MN to Chicago, worth every penny)

What I am about to write is still boggles my mind..

Do you know what it feels like when you are lying in the sun with your eyes closed? You know how you see light? It is an orange color through your eyelids?  Well, I had that. Along with the light I heard three chimes/bells. Once, twice, three times, waking my conscious up, I was still asleep but was somehow feeling awake . I heard this:

"Mac, this is why it had to be"

My eyes opened and I thought holy shit. I laid there quietly trying to process what had just happened. I wasn't sure if I should tell Steve, I was a bit worried he was going to think I was crazy, hearing my dead husband while I was sleeping next to him.

I decided to tell him.

I did return to MN and spoke with my Pastor. I explained what I experienced and this was his amazing response,"Well Macara, it sounds like you got confirmation and closure". I was speechless trying to stay strong but I found myself crying by the time I got in the car after church.

I thought about those words, confirmation and closure. Powerful.

Confirmation that he had crossed over to the other side. Closure, with knowing the reason why he left this Earth.

You see, Scott was a strong man. He was a larger than life character who the boys and I shared with the world. With him working overseas, he became hardened. He admitted finally that he had suffered from the effects of being a war zone for too long, the scarlet letters of PTSD. He knew that with all that he had seen and done in his career he was not the same man that he used to be. This translated onto our family.

Fast forward to  Fall 2013.

 Through my studies at Institute for Integrative Nutrition, I met my friend Catherine . I know that people are brought  into your life for a reason. Catherine ( a Theata healer) is my Long Island Medium. After our health history's were complete, she asked if I had any questions for her... Hmm, I thought, ...should I?

 I asked about Scott. She said this, you know Macara, he watches over many in this world. He knows you are cared for and in a good place. I thought, ok, that's kinda strange. Not even like a hello from the other side huh? Especially when I speaking with someone who can hear spirits clearly. In truth, I felt a little jipped.

My life continued moving forward, we prepared Steve's home to be placed on the market, the house sold quickly and we had to move into a rental. We finally found our new home and it is  currently being remodeled before we move in.

December 12, 2014, the third anniversary of his passing came. It was my intention
 to pick up the boys from school and take them to sushi. It has become our tradition.

 I'm not quite sure how this happened, but it was serendipity at its finest, music was on shuffle,  Kiss you slow by Andy Grammer came on. I  love this song, The words meant something different on that day.

 Dec 12th was a rainy day here in southern California. The moment, the song began to play, the sun broke through and shined rays of light. I was singing loudly like I do when I am by myself in the car.... I felt this overwhelming sense of peace and love. I not sure how else to  explain it in words. After I felt this, I immediately began to sob.

I was speechless.. I wasn't sure what had just happened. I tried to use logic. Was it emotions that had needed to be released? Having an emotional moment?

Here I was driving on the 101 to pick up the boys up from school. I had to get it together before I picked them up I thought.

I didn't speak of what happened. In truth, I didn't know what had happened. I did send a short email to Catherine explaining the moment that I experienced.She gave me confirmation, yes it was Scott, adding that the love always remains strong and he is very proud of me.  Whoa.

Why am I writing about something so personal?

I want us to remember why we celebrate Christmas. Although the gifts under the tree bring excitment and are  fun to open, it's goes far deeper than that for me this Christmas.I want us to think about the ultimate gift we have been given since birth. I want us to remember those loved ones we have lost, and that their spirits continue to live on. Just not on this physical realm. Its the greatest gift.


While enjoying Christmas this season, take a moment to think of those that have crossed over to the other side. They have been given the ultimate gift of eternal life.

 So the next time you see a rainbow, or feel a certain something, open your mind and your hearts to the idea that your loved one is close and bringing you a sign from the other side.


It is my hope that you enjoy a Christmas full of love,laughter and spending time with family and friends. Maybe making a few great memories along the way.


Merry Christmas,

bucket list

 A Bucket list, do you have one?

I started mine several years ago upon my friend Cindy's urging. Some things might seem a bit silly and shallow to some but that is why it is a very personal list. Over the years, I have been able to cross several off , while adding new ones along the way.

Why am I writing about this you might ask. Well, a biggie on my list is completing a triathlon. You see after completing two marathons, I am over that one, was able to check that one off my list forever. Training for a tri has been in my mind and on my list for 5 years. Well, the one I signed up for specifically, the Super Seal in Coronado, Ca. My old stomping grounds.

Living with MN weather is challenging. Especially when it starts to get cold. The Super Seal tri is in March. The effort it was going to take  to figure out how to get training in(not simple in anyway to bike, run and swim when it is below zero butt ass cold) was mind numbing. I recognized it was simply not in the cards for me at the time.  Well, at least that was my excuse. I know that when there is a will there is a way . Clearly the will was not strong enough at the time to figure out how to make it work.

Now, I believe that I was not supposed to have participated until now. It wasn't the right time for me. Last year, once the boys and I had made the big move I thought ok, NOW I am going to sign up! Well, you see the big guy upstairs apparently didn't think so.

Here is a quick story of what happened:

I was vacuuming and get this,I was not paying attention and  kicked(stepped forcefully toward) the fireplace.NO JOKE! Have you ever experienced something happening and you know INSTANTLY it bad?  I knew something was seriously wrong as soon as contact was made. I immediately iced/elevated and took a handful of anti-inflammatory's and tried not to cry in front of the boys. After all, who hurts themselves vacuuming?

 I walked around for about a week and Steve finally made a comment that I will never forget.."How long did you walk around with a broken back before you went to the doctor?" my reply.."6 weeks" his reply," are you going to wait that long this time?"

I made an appointment for next day. x-ray, was negative. See I thought... Well, 2 weeks later and it wasn't any better. To make a long story short, I did break my second toe with confirmation from MRI, and  I was in  a CAM walking boot for over 8 weeks .My bucket list idea of training for the Super Seal was sunk for the year.On the funny side, I was really the best 'yo mamma"joke... breaking a toe vacuuming....

Fast forward :

Dec 2014, registration is complete, Steve and I have committed to March 15,2015. My brother Nick is joining us to race in his preparation for Vineman 2015.

So here I am today. December 17,2014. I have done my  research for  training programs, running shoes have been delivered, jog bras have been found. I am starting this journey. At the moment, we are in the throws of major remodeling on the new house and I spend quite a bit of time in the car.My schedule is busy but I will make the time. When there is a will, there is a way.

 When I talk with friends who have done triathlons there seems be a common theme. One of the three sports is challenging. A dear friend who is a true athlete in every sense of the word struggles with swimming. How strange I thought, but I came to realize that for me, running is my hurdle.

Since breaking my back and experiencing a herniated disc I have not run. It has been 3 years. I have been active, biked for miles, TRX'd , kept up with my yoga.... but no running. I fully admit that I have had  a mental block with the idea. I have been scared of re-injury and the pain that I experienced.

What I have realized through my last marathon debacle(2009) is to listen to my body. The body does not lie. If I remain clear and centered and not allow my ego to get involved, I will be just fine. So in the last two weeks, I have slowly been breaking in my new Adidas and can I tell you something? I have been humbled with  interval's but I feel FANTASTIC, post workout.

Logically I know that with any new exercise program, the first two weeks are the toughest. The body goes into a bit of shock. At the moment I feel like my legs has run a ultra but I have no back symptoms!  Objectively, I know the DOMS will subside and I will begin to find enjoyment again running.The fear of herniation no longer has a hold on me.

So back to the topic, a bucket list. Do you have one? What is important to you? What are things you want to accomplish in your life? The list is personal and can be a powerful tool in your own journey of self-discovery. Do you want to do something amazing in 2015? Maybe you want to travel, begin a new hobby,  have more energy to play with your kids, or like me, completing a triathlon .When you have quiet time, listen and put pen to paper and make your  list. You could very well be uncomfortable like I was initially at the whole idea. After some time, your desires will begin to appear on the paper.

As I plan first quarter workshops for Bliss with Mac, I am amazed at the people brought into my life. It is an absolute honor to witness life changing transformations that can occur taking small steps in the right direction. If anything here resonates with you, I welcome you to contact me personally.

This blog has become a place for my thoughts to flow freely. It has become a platform for readers to get to know me as a person. Who I am, where I come from , how I think and understanding my basic moral compass. I hope this blog has given you the opportunity to get to know me, Macara .

 I  want to humbly thank the readers that have joined me here on this silly little blog of mine. I could have never dreamed of this many page views.The response has been overwhelming. I am truly humbled by the number of readers that visit the blog. If I can in any way support you in your own goals, I am an email away.

As always, wishing you the best,

holiday's, expectations and letting go

Today is December 10th,2014.

What holiday traditions do you have for this time of year? Are you big on baking Christmas cookies?  Maybe you love decorating your home for the holidays. A tradition that I have adopted in my adult years is sending out photo Christmas cards, especially since having the boys.Last year was our first Rogers/Brachmann family card. We took a picture at sunrise on top of a volcano in Maui on Easter morning (freezing I might add). It is one of my favorites since you don't even see our faces, the image speaks for itself.

Establishing and fusing traditions is something we take on every holiday. For Christmas, every year, each of us pick out a new ornament for the tree. We write our name on the bottom and the year. Part of the fun, is looking at the ornaments from years past and what each of us chose. Being in the cozy bungalow this holiday season is a bit more challenging, you see all of our Christmas "stuff" is deep in storage. We are not able to get to the ornaments from past years, so this year we are having to keep the decorations simple, 2014 ornaments only. 

Living this our cozy bungalow has brought many a teaching moment to us all in the past several months. The primary one being that you really don't need all your 'stuff'. It has given all of us an opportunity to prioritize what is really important and what is fluff. This idea is holding true for Christmas as well. We are going up north for the holidays, so we decided we needed just the basics for the bungalow. Jack used some out of the box thinking to make the topper this year :)

I believe the holidays can bring out the best and the worst in people. I know statistically that there are increased strokes at this time of year due to increased stress. I witness people placing self-inflicted pressures on themselves during the holidays. The holidays are a magical time of year especially for those who have Santa coming on Christmas Eve. Parents wanting to make everything perfect for their little ones. I was no different!

Now that the boys have had the rose colored glasses removed. It changes the dynamics a bit. Lists are made but now mostly on Amazon wish lists. Jack was the only kiddo of the three that wrote the old school list to "Santa" which I might add included a puppy.... 

Since Scott passed away a few weeks before Christmas, the happiness of the holiday was effected, especially that first year. This is the third Christmas and in all honesty, having Steve's love for the season has brought a excitement and sparkle back to the boys.  While I make a point to remember Scott on the anniversary of him going home. I remind them of the quote from Dr. Suess,"Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened".

So while I don't quite know what our Christmas/New Year cards are going to look like. I know that I am going to stay focused on being thankful. I know it is a bit cliche to say that I have a blessed life, but in all sincerity, I do. I have love, I feel love and I give love. At the end of every day, that is what it is really all about.

I welcome you to take a deep breath and step back from your to-do list and think about all the blessings, big and small in your lives. This season is not about all the external 'stuff' like Christmas cards, decorating the house, picking out just the right present, etc. Its about being present in the moments you share with the ones you love, for that is truly the gift.

Wishing you all the best,

Low/high maintence

Low/high maintenance is a term I coined many years back chatting with my best friend Cindy. When it first rolled off my tongue, she looked at me and laughed. You see, I can come up with these Mac-ism's every once in a while. This one happened to stick.

So here is the thought behind the term. There are areas of my life where I am  really low maintenance. On the other hand, there are a few areas of my life where I  can be completely high maintenance. So instead of living in the land of medium, I'm Low/high or High/low depending on the specific situation.

Areas of low maintenance:

 CLOTHES, I enjoy shopping at TJ Maxx, Ross, Target all those discount places and I LOVE being able to find things on sale that I actually will wear.  I buy simple classic pieces. I don't  tend to buy  trendy items, unless I  really love them. When it comes to clothes, I had on my bucket list to purchase a kick ass pair of expensive jeans. But, my favorite ones are the Gap boyfriend jeans.


NAILS, another area of low maintenance for this girly. I have pedicures  to keep my toes looking clean and polished, but my fingernails? I think I spent too many years at Mercy hospital outpatient physical therapy treating patients with manual techniques. Long nails are not my thing, would rather keep them on the shorter side.


HAIR, I have lots of it. I've had people take locks of my cut hair at the salon to try and match with their colorist. My hair is on the longer side at the moment and in all honesty, usually in a bun on top of my head. Between my brothers and I, I was given the gift of a seriously full head of thick hair. They unfortunately did not fair so well. It takes so much time and effort to get my hair looking cute, it has to be a special occasion. The only time I am guaranteed having stylish hair is when I am leaving the salon.... Thank you Aliza Margolis for your talent and strong arms ....I will on occasion take a #daily 3 picture when I leave just to remember that I do have a cute cut and style. Here is the flip side to that...... I have experienced some seriously shitty hair cuts in my day. I've even walked out with crooked bangs!... no joke.. so with my low maintenance day to day  approach, I am high maintenance about what stylist chair I choose to sit....and with that there are no coupon's ;)

Now, I think you are asking yourself, so tell me  about some high maintenance items Mac....

EATING OUT, this is tricky because part of my high category is that I am gluten and dairy free. I have learned over the years , what I can and cannot eat without consequences. I have learned to eat instinctively. I've learned that I don't have to order from the menu. For example the other night at the little boys football end of season dinner, I asked the waiter if I could order off the menu. I told him what I wanted and WA--LA....a delicious salad was served amidst the sea of hot wings and  I felt completely satisfied.

EYELASHES, what? yes, eyelashes. I get them tinted. You see I don't like wearing mascara daily. On the days I am teaching hot yoga (105 F, 40-60% humidity) it would be a joke to even apply! So tinting, gives me dark lashes without the hassles for day to day living.

SELF TANNER, again you ask what? Well, here is the scoop with this one. I am a natural red head who has hazel/brown eyes. My skin tan's compared to those with blue or green eyes. That was great for me in my younger years, until I was diagnosed with melanoma in 1998 at the age of 28. After that, natural tanning was no longer an option... I would always say that at 50 my skin would be healthier, with  less sun damage since I was diagnosed at such a young age..I have plenty of scars from biopsy's etc, but fine lines and wrinkles I think I am a little ahead of the game.. So back to self -tanning, the  flip side of my HIGH to my LOW, I have tried  many brands over the years, some far pricier than others , and guess which one I prefer, Jergens and St Mortiz at the moment... go figure... nothing fancy....

It is quite interesting when you stop and think about where you draw your line in the sand. Sometimes, there is no  justified reason why you feel a certain way. What are your deal breakers and what are non-issues.... I welcome you to take moments during the course of your day, and check in with yourself, take some mental notes, maybe a have a good giggle or two.

So now that you know some of my high/lows, I would love to hear from you!


Wishing you all the best,

P.S. For those who read last weeks post, here is a picture of the aftermath of the hippie powder extravaganza