learning self- care

I think it is no coincidence that my recovery week on my triathlon training program and the weather here in southern California have been  perfectly in sync ! I have been feeling a bit under the weather, not sick, but not 100%. You know that I'm talking about, just feeling meh....

You see, the weather has been rainy, overcast and just a bit ho hum. Perfect for me to be quiet and allow my body to recharge and rest. I am not  feeling any guilt about not getting in a ride or trying to squeeze in swim time. It's been absolutely perfect for me.

This week in my house of boys, we have been dealing with some under the weather kiddos. As many of you know that have kids, the sickness takes it's turn, going from one to the next...

As a mom, I try to instill some knowledge for each about what they need to do to be able to help themselves, i.e. self-care. I'm not talking about the basic's like, drink plenty of fluids, rest, go to bed early etc. What I am talking about is the individual needs that each one of the boys have that is different from the others.

 I have one boy that will eat cheese any chance he is given, here is downside, he gets congested and ends up with far too much snot. He is the apple from my tree. I am not able to consume dairy without major congestion either.   When he gets sick, stand by. You see, he is a nose breather. Ever since he was little , if his nose was stuffed, his world was turned upside down. As he has gotten older, I just look at him and say,  OPEN YOUR MOUTH... BREATHE... sounds silly.. trust me, I know...

The other day on the drive to school, he asked me why I was not  putting cheese on his sandwiches. I explained that the reason I have been omitting the cheese has been because of his increased levels of congestion.(in my house we just call it snot, but I think it might be gross to type so much in this post)  He then went on to tell me that he does not want to admit that he is not able to eat his favorite food. I tried explaining that he didnt need to completely remove dairy from his diet but when he is sick and congested, he needs to know when to back off, not adding fuel to the fire.

The other night, I was having a conversation with another polo mom about a similar topic. Her son was starting to get acne. Her first step, she began removing all processed foods that he was eating (chips, soda etc) and guess what? wha-la... acne was gone within 2 weeks!

 Her son recognized that although he wants to be a typical teenage boy, eating whatever he wants, he realized he is unable eat certain foods without consequence. I consider this awareness a tremendous step forward in maturity..

So...

I used the example of the other boy and processed food. I thought it would help to give better understanding of food choices and  possible consequences.  My intention was to  plant the seed but at the moment I am not sure how well the seed stuck but I will continue to water and bring awareness..


Definition of self-care:the care of ones self without medical, professional,or other assistance or oversight.


Learning self-care..

Self-care has many different faces. One day it could be getting more sleep or resting while your body recharges. It could be eating well, fueling your body with the foods that make it feel best or simply drinking more water.Self care could be exercising more, taking a yoga class or walking the dog!  On the flip side, self-care could  be saying no to certain situations or asking for help instead of taking everything on yourself.

 Self care to me is about creating boundaries for myself, putting my needs on top of the priority list. I recognize that I have others that depend of me. If I am not feeling up to snuff, I am not going to be much good for the others in my life. It is refueling my own tank. This week, it has been about rest, taking lots of liquid herbs and allowing my body to recharge.

The body we have been given is such an amazing gift. If you listen closely, it will tell you what it needs. The signals it gives you are little windows to connect  with your intuition. The more you are able to listen, the better your mind body connection and learning what is best for you in that moment.

So as this week comes to a close, I welcome you to listen to your body and what it is asking from you. This is a small step forward in learning how to live a healthier life.


Wishing you all the best,

have you ever been given words of wisdom?

Have you ever been given some sage advice that once it was told to you , you never forgot?

I had that experience from my dad  many years ago. He explained this concept to me;

There is a need to know and a need to tell. 

As a teenager, I didn't really think about how long I would remember those words.  He used the statement when referring to girls and gossip. The seed was planted.

 I think of this blog as a pen pal of sorts.  You see, I enjoy the process of being introspective on what I am feeling, where my brain is and what is showing up in my week. I ponder what I want to write about and then bring thoughts to words. I'm not quite sure how people respond to my posts. All I can see are numbers and locations of readers. It is my hope that you  enjoy my writing, with all of my incorrect sentence structure and run-on sentences. I don't spend hours editing, it is usually a one shot deal.

When remembering my dad, I think about his parenting style. I came late in life for him, I believe he enjoyed parenting a bit more. I experienced a different dad than my older siblings. He would pay me $100 to sit down for an afternoon and follow along as he read Shakespeare aloud. I thought it was such a good deal back in the day,  now the memories are priceless...

I have always said, being a mom is the hardest job I have been given. Being basically a single parent with Scott overseas most of the time, I had to wear both hats. My parenting style might seem a bit unorthodox to some, like making the boys drop and do 20 push-ups (as some of you have seen, farting in the car is a biggie). I did not dream up  these crazy consequences,it began with Scott. At first I was mortified when I watched Scott  dish out the consequences for poor behavior. I realized that the push ups not only made them stronger, it gave them time to think about their actions. I don't really know where he thought up some of the consequences, I'm guessing somewhere in the course of being in the teams it was embedded. Physical challenges = increased chances of  not wanting to repeat consequence.

Nowadays? Well, I think drop and do 20 is a standard  phrase rolling off my lips. The best part is when they now call each other out! Telling the guilty party to do 20! My parenting style is unique and I understand not for everyone. But being a mom raising boys, I had to make sure they remembered who was actually in charge. Many of my military moms friends will understand where I am coming from.

Why do I bring this up?

You see as these boys are getting older, they are beginning to experience many of  life's firsts.

First girlfriend
First kiss

                           First breakup...

ugh..

We are all born with knowledge but it is not until we experience that we truly understand.

(In truth, I don't remember where I read this, but it struck a chord)

I assume that of  you  have experienced a first breakup,  so we understand the process and the waves of emotions.

I will not go into specifics about what is happening, except that my heart feels such a need to be present for him,while I see him trying to handle things in a mature fashion. As a parent, I think it is normal to want to  protect your child from experiencing unnecessary pain. Unfortunately, my hands are tied here. It is part of the aches and pains of teenage life and growing up. Right now he is creating the foundation that will build him into the man he is to become.

With being present for him emotionally, I understand there needs to be words of encouragement. Lifting of the spirits, filling his tank full of what I call warm and fuzzies. I think back to my first breakup, and what a hot mess I was. Mitchell as a freshman is far more mature than I ever was at his age.I will put a shout out and thank you to  Eric J for being my fall guy when I lost my marbles so many years ago.

 Although mutual decisions were made, rejection(however it looks) still sucks.

As a parent, logically I know all three boys are going to go through this experience. I also understand that with three different personalities, the experience will be a tad different with a common theme. I will simply be a bit more seasoned the next time around...

As a parent, I am planting seeds just like my dad. I hope that some day they will look back fondly and remember things I have said with a greater understanding.

My dad's wise words?

Here is what I am wanting to share with you, especially  for those of you who are experiencing a blended family....

I witnessed something rather touching  the other night.

Mitchell had a tough day. The little boys, observed quietly from afar to make sure they gave him his space while we chatted privately. They made discreet eye contact with me, acknowledging  they needed  to be considerate. After dinner, I asked the little's to clean up the dishes etc. They were happy to pull up the slack but with some humor. You see , Luke (quite clever kiddo ) said to me," let me get this straight... when I breakup with a girl and am sad, I can get out of doing dishes?" I started to laugh and said yes. You see with our  blending of families we are experiencing many  firsts together.

This is the first breakup.

It warmed my heart to see the little boys(girlfriend-less) laughing and try to get Mitchell in a better mood. To me it confirmed,their brotherhood was being solidified. All the consequences that have been given out, the pissing the other one off and the push-ups... brotherhood bonding was achieved....

I have always been one to try to find the silver lining no matter how craptastic the situation. For me, the silver lining was obvious. It was about the brotherly bonding. Unfortunately, sometimes you need to have the storm before the rainbow can shine through.


As parents we all go through challenging times with our kiddos. I challenge during the next storm to look for the silver lining.. the rainbow will be there!


I welcome to hear any words of wisdom you have been given that has stuck with you.

Wishing you all the best with Peace, Love, Blessings and Gratitude,

a little older, a little wiser not sure with tri training....I have to wait and see!

I've heard the idea about the older you get wiser you become.

With age comes wisdom.

What I realize is that wisdom comes from living. The more you live, the more you learn. Or at least that is what is supposed to happen. I know this to be fact in many other areas of my life.

Then there is fitness.

If you asked my best friends this very moment about my last marathon experience, they would tell you how it took me out at my knees. You see I didn't listen to my body. I trained when I really should have rested. I did EXACTLY what the program told me to do.I didn't even listen to my doctor, who said very nicely, Macara, I do not advise you continuing you could do damage. Mentally, I was not going to quit. After crossing the finish line , my adrenals were gone... literally... nada enchilada...exactly what  my doc said would happen....

There in was the problem. You see, when it came to exercise, I enjoyed the challenge, I experienced a sense of accomplishment  logging my post run numbers. I appreciated having my garmin on my wrist, keeping all my stats. How many calories I burned, max/min/avg heart rate, distance etc. I devoured numbers, wrote them all down in my running journal.In retrospect I think  I was used to keeping documentation on patients, to show progress, the idea simply carried over into my workouts. I was able to go months back and look.... just in case..a little over the top? probably. 

Well... as I have gotten older, I have learned through life experiences that those numbers were driving me. Yes, I think it is important to know your numbers especially when it comes to health. Thyroid, blood pressure, morning glucose etc. These are all directly related to health and ones well being.

My stats journaling stopped when I broke my back and had a herniated disc. You see , I was not able keep  numbers.... crap, I could barely walk!

Yoga became my refuge. Oh, and the type of yoga I was doing, no heart rate monitor was necessary....easy, gentle, yin, restorative yoga.

My type A exercise personality was shelved...I was humbled. 

Today, at 44 years old. I have learned what body can and cannot do. Apparently, the heart to heart discussion with my doctor , was not enough for me. My ego was in charge and needed to experience the lesson first hand. LISTEN TO MY BODY.

 At this point in my life, I realize that if I focus my awareness , my body will tell me how it feels. It is the brain body connection. For me, in my journey, I have had to learn about listening to what my body is telling me.

In all honesty, I would be lying to you if I didn't say that I LOVED  being able to look down and see how many calories I would burn in a work out. Now, I know for ME, that is simply not healthy.

Why bring up this topic you might ask?

Well,

I'm in the midst of training for  my first triathlon. An Olympic distance.

 I chose a 12 week training program to follow.

Like most, I have a full schedule. I had to take the training schedule and make it work with my life.Today, I was talking with my swim coach who recently finished an IRONMAN (crazy!) I was explaining how I could only swim for 30 minutes (vs the hour),  my mom was sitting in the car after leaving her Cardiologist appointment down the road.

 I  had asked my mom if  she would mind that I swam for 30 mins while she read a magazine. My mom was a swim mom, she has spent plenty of time in her years waiting at the pool. She was very understanding and was happy to watch all the swimmers.

So this is where I am:

I look over on Sunday what the week's workout schedule looks like.

 How many runs, how many swim/runs, bike only etc. I write it down as part of my things to do. I have to make the workout's fit into my life, I am not able to follow the exact days of the week that  the "program"advises.

I am making modifications to fit my life. I am personalizing my program.

This is where I am rolling the dice....

I am just like everyone else trying to find balance between all the hats I wear and self-care. I have no idea right now if the modifications I am making will effect me adversely in the end. My intention is this I want to enjoy training for this event. I look forward to the times when Steve and I  are able to train together.

My logic is this....  get the workouts done the best I can AND listen to my body without ego. I will enjoy this  journey of training and completing my first triathlon. The reality is, there are going to be days it just doesn't happen. I have learned that things will come up and that it is life.  For example, we were scheduled to bike on Saturday, it was raining, Oh well. 

I think to myself, Macara you know your body. You have to trust your instincts. What is the worst thing that can happen? Cramp on the run? Bonk on the bike? who cares? Put in the time when able, allow this body of mine to get used to  all that I am asking it to do.  Enjoy the process, don't focus on the end result. I have no  time expectations except to finish strong with a smile and a sense of personal accomplishment.

For me, not to be wearing a heart rate monitor is so not like me! I know that everything happens for a reason, the broken back, the herniated disc. Maybe that was to bring me back to yoga and awaken my awareness to listening to my body.

At this point in my life, I am not focusing on the  numbers anymore. I am thankful that I have learned I don't need to know. This has been a giant step forward in my own health journey.

I know heart rate monitors are amazing inventions and have helped so many achieve fitness goals. I smile every time I see a post of calories burned, I know how great that feels. I applaud their efforts and wish them all success in their fitness goals.

Why did I blog about this? in all honesty, I'm not quite sure. I think for myself I am putting it out into the universe, is a bit like going to confession, maybe because I am feeling a bit uncertain. I'm so used to being the good student and following directions. Then, my gut nudges my ego out and says, you will be fine, listen to me and we will have an amazing adventure.

I'm sure some of you are working toward a personal fitness goal. I am here supporting you and wishing for you amazing success in whatever path you are taking. Remember it isn't all about the finish line, it's about how you got there. Enjoy every moment in the process and learn something about yourself along the way!

Wishing you all the best,

post holiday reality, re-entry

Happy 2015!

Christmas and New Years  Eve 2014  is a wrap and now it what I call re-entry time.

The time when the reality of what needs to get done smacks you between your eyes.

It is the time for me when  my thoughts begin swirling in my brain. I feel a huge urge to begin a to-do list. When I  go away on vacation, there is a point in time, where I  know re-entry is upon me. Sometimes it  happens on the car drive home,  or the airplane's initial descent, maybe for you it is when you finally walk through your door.Re-entry is when the responsibilities of life come back to the forefront of your mind. The vacation bubble you were living in developed a micro size pinhole....

 As a mom, there are the basic priorities that I never put on a list  like unpacking, laundry and grocery shopping. These items are so obvious, being part of the list is simply not necessary. 

Basic fundamentals are one thing, then comes the secondary things..... This is the time for me when the reality of all that is on my plate comes for a visit.

You see, l am just like everyone else, I juggle. When I am in the midst of living my life I tend to forget all that I have on my plate. I simply get things done. If something happens  and my day takes a turn, I somehow figure out time later in the week.If there are standing weekly dates, like taking my mom to the grocery store, then it becomes part of my weekly schedule.


The boys have had 2 full weeks out of school and a little over a week without a practice schedule. We  were all were able to  experience some time with family allowing us some much needed downtime from our normal busy schedule. With that down time came lots of sleeping late! 

Once back in reality there is a time of transitioning that most parents with school age children understand. How many of us have had to say this to our  kiddos "Remember, you have to get to bed earlier because you have school tomorrow'. 

For our pre-teen and teenage boys, sleeping late is high on the priority list. It takes many days to get back into the swing of things.  Interestingly, Monday rolled around and all three woke up easily and were able to get out the door on time! I was pleasantly surprised but recognized that they all wanted to see their friends. This only happened Monday.... by Tuesday, they were back to normal mode of wanting to push the snooze button :)

This trip, we returned home a day earlier  than usual because we had finally gotten permits for the house. (major demo was well underway). We wanted to get back to see what was happening at RnB Casa.After all the fundamentals were done, I got out my legal pad(-always have one ) on Saturday and began  writing down the schedule for the week. 

The schedule is a combination of all 3 boys plus my appointments, responsibilities and  scheduled water polo practices .I am now adding in our triathlon training for the week. I have to make this as scheduled appointment since I know if I don't I will not get in the necessary training in each week. At the end of the day, it is really all about the schedule.

I watched a dear friend maybe 20 years ago drawing little boxes for the sole purpose of being able to fill it in with check mark.  I laughed at the time, told her she was silly. Little did I know the giggle was really on me! For some reason, the boxes have stuck with me : )  On occasion,I  will  text her a  picture of my little boxes with a little note about how I was thinking about her and she laughs. You see, she is a professional organizer, so she takes her boxes and OCD to a far different level!

My re-entry week as of today, Thursday is going pretty well without much deviation. To be honest with you. I usually like to post my weekly blog on Wednesday but it simply wasn't going to happen yesterday. I made my tri training the priority with the swim and the run in the evening and guess what? I was beyond exhausted by the time we arrived at the house after water polo! I think I slept in the same position all night!  Like I said, it is all about making priorities and  finding the time!

I would love to hear from you! Do you have any good tips or things that you do when you return from vacation? 

Wishing all the best,

  

Quick post, Happy New Years

As 2014 comes to a close, I wanted to personally thank every single person that has chosen to read this blog and began supporting  Bliss with Mac my inaugural  year.

I am humbled by the support. It was my intention starting this blog for people to get to know who I am. I wanted to share with readers, so that readers would have a better understanding of the kind of person I am. It is my hope that you feel as you read this blog, I become like an old friend.

I have not yet blogged about health or wellness, that was not the initial intention of this blog. I'm not quite sure where this blog will take me in the next year  but I am looking forward to sharing pieces of my life with you.

It is my hope you enjoy coming back and reading whats going on in my little part of this world.

I'm wishing you health and happiness for 2015

All the best,

a very personal entry, Merry Christmas

I was not sure I wanted to blog about something so personal.  I spent some time in prayer and quiet hoping clarity would come. It did.

I would like to write a bit about something that I have experienced . Some that know me, know the story in which I am about to tell.

Scott passed away on December 12, 2011. Our lives turned upside down. I made all decisions based on my gut. I was not able to truly openly grieve without my boys being around until my mom's 80th birthday in March 2012.

 We were in Sonoma at the Carneros Inn celebrating my moms birthday during the boys spring break. My gut was telling me, I needed quiet time with nature and to sweat.  I have a special trail I have taken over the years through the vineyards. To say it is peaceful and grounding is an understatement, I feel as though I return home when I put my feet on this particular trail.

That run truly transformed me. Not the run per say, but what I heard. You see up until that week, I had not even thought about reading a book about grief. Not quite sure why, just hadn't been a thought. I think I had been to overwhelmed trying to keep my head above water to think about reading.

Well, this is what I will tell you. I ran, and admittedly I was a hot mess. Tears were streaming down my cheeks, snot running down my face, I was a mess.  I knew the emotions needed to surface. I was told once by a dear friend Amy E,  to allow the emotions to come like a house guest you don't want to stay at your house. Accept the emotions to surface, knowing they will not be staying forever.

Accept I did and lets just say,oh my.

So as I was running, there was a crow that I swear that it was following me. I started thinking to myself that it was Scott's spirit. I then began using logic, thinking maybe I might be nuts. Right then and there I knew that I needed to order a book or two on grief. I was clearly ready for the next step. I found out that seeing spirits in animals in completely normal, phew.

As some of you that have read my blog know, Andy Grammer was my go-to artist during the initial months following Scott's passing. Sometimes,I enjoy putting my playlist on shuffle and see what would play, looking for a sign of some type. I know this sounds odd to some, but it is bizarre how a certain song will play at exactly the right moment, complete serendipity.

Then it happened.

 I heard him, not out loud, but in my head, clear as day. I cant quite describe it any other way. This is what I heard:

"Mac, it has to be this way, trust me"

He kept repeating this.

I cant tell you know how many times I heard this during that run.It was a bit like a Long Island Medium moment. I cant explain how clear as day it sounded. I heard his voice down into my bones. I came back to the house, I had  experienced an awakening or sorts.  I made the decision that I was going to focus my attention inward. I was going to focus  my energy on supporting and raising our boys and making me the best Macara that I could be.
.
Widowed at 41.

Those that know me know that I am not a victim. I don't identify with that word. I have experienced a pity party or two in my years. But, they are short lived. What I can tell you is that I was going to prioritize. I knew that I would find another man at some point. I was only 40, but my focus was this, after 19 years with Scott Brachmann, I needed to figure out who Macara was, without Scott.

So that is exactly what I did. I retreated and kept to my little family. I did my work. I found myself.

Fast forward to summer of 2012.

Steve and I had began long distance dating. One of his trips to MN we went to La-la palooza in Chicago. By the time we arrived , we needed a bit of a nap since most activities happen late into the night. We had decided to drive, ugh the traffic from MN was not so great. So we napped to recharge for the night's festivities. (fyi, take the plane from MN to Chicago, worth every penny)

What I am about to write is still boggles my mind..

Do you know what it feels like when you are lying in the sun with your eyes closed? You know how you see light? It is an orange color through your eyelids?  Well, I had that. Along with the light I heard three chimes/bells. Once, twice, three times, waking my conscious up, I was still asleep but was somehow feeling awake . I heard this:

"Mac, this is why it had to be"

My eyes opened and I thought holy shit. I laid there quietly trying to process what had just happened. I wasn't sure if I should tell Steve, I was a bit worried he was going to think I was crazy, hearing my dead husband while I was sleeping next to him.

I decided to tell him.

I did return to MN and spoke with my Pastor. I explained what I experienced and this was his amazing response,"Well Macara, it sounds like you got confirmation and closure". I was speechless trying to stay strong but I found myself crying by the time I got in the car after church.

I thought about those words, confirmation and closure. Powerful.

Confirmation that he had crossed over to the other side. Closure, with knowing the reason why he left this Earth.

You see, Scott was a strong man. He was a larger than life character who the boys and I shared with the world. With him working overseas, he became hardened. He admitted finally that he had suffered from the effects of being a war zone for too long, the scarlet letters of PTSD. He knew that with all that he had seen and done in his career he was not the same man that he used to be. This translated onto our family.

Fast forward to  Fall 2013.

 Through my studies at Institute for Integrative Nutrition, I met my friend Catherine . I know that people are brought  into your life for a reason. Catherine ( a Theata healer) is my Long Island Medium. After our health history's were complete, she asked if I had any questions for her... Hmm, I thought, ...should I?

 I asked about Scott. She said this, you know Macara, he watches over many in this world. He knows you are cared for and in a good place. I thought, ok, that's kinda strange. Not even like a hello from the other side huh? Especially when I speaking with someone who can hear spirits clearly. In truth, I felt a little jipped.

My life continued moving forward, we prepared Steve's home to be placed on the market, the house sold quickly and we had to move into a rental. We finally found our new home and it is  currently being remodeled before we move in.

December 12, 2014, the third anniversary of his passing came. It was my intention
 to pick up the boys from school and take them to sushi. It has become our tradition.

 I'm not quite sure how this happened, but it was serendipity at its finest, music was on shuffle,  Kiss you slow by Andy Grammer came on. I  love this song, The words meant something different on that day.

 Dec 12th was a rainy day here in southern California. The moment, the song began to play, the sun broke through and shined rays of light. I was singing loudly like I do when I am by myself in the car.... I felt this overwhelming sense of peace and love. I not sure how else to  explain it in words. After I felt this, I immediately began to sob.

I was speechless.. I wasn't sure what had just happened. I tried to use logic. Was it emotions that had needed to be released? Having an emotional moment?

Here I was driving on the 101 to pick up the boys up from school. I had to get it together before I picked them up I thought.

I didn't speak of what happened. In truth, I didn't know what had happened. I did send a short email to Catherine explaining the moment that I experienced.She gave me confirmation, yes it was Scott, adding that the love always remains strong and he is very proud of me.  Whoa.

Why am I writing about something so personal?

I want us to remember why we celebrate Christmas. Although the gifts under the tree bring excitment and are  fun to open, it's goes far deeper than that for me this Christmas.I want us to think about the ultimate gift we have been given since birth. I want us to remember those loved ones we have lost, and that their spirits continue to live on. Just not on this physical realm. Its the greatest gift.


While enjoying Christmas this season, take a moment to think of those that have crossed over to the other side. They have been given the ultimate gift of eternal life.

 So the next time you see a rainbow, or feel a certain something, open your mind and your hearts to the idea that your loved one is close and bringing you a sign from the other side.


It is my hope that you enjoy a Christmas full of love,laughter and spending time with family and friends. Maybe making a few great memories along the way.


Merry Christmas,

bucket list

 A Bucket list, do you have one?

I started mine several years ago upon my friend Cindy's urging. Some things might seem a bit silly and shallow to some but that is why it is a very personal list. Over the years, I have been able to cross several off , while adding new ones along the way.

Why am I writing about this you might ask. Well, a biggie on my list is completing a triathlon. You see after completing two marathons, I am over that one, was able to check that one off my list forever. Training for a tri has been in my mind and on my list for 5 years. Well, the one I signed up for specifically, the Super Seal in Coronado, Ca. My old stomping grounds.

Living with MN weather is challenging. Especially when it starts to get cold. The Super Seal tri is in March. The effort it was going to take  to figure out how to get training in(not simple in anyway to bike, run and swim when it is below zero butt ass cold) was mind numbing. I recognized it was simply not in the cards for me at the time.  Well, at least that was my excuse. I know that when there is a will there is a way . Clearly the will was not strong enough at the time to figure out how to make it work.

Now, I believe that I was not supposed to have participated until now. It wasn't the right time for me. Last year, once the boys and I had made the big move I thought ok, NOW I am going to sign up! Well, you see the big guy upstairs apparently didn't think so.

Here is a quick story of what happened:

I was vacuuming and get this,I was not paying attention and  kicked(stepped forcefully toward) the fireplace.NO JOKE! Have you ever experienced something happening and you know INSTANTLY it bad?  I knew something was seriously wrong as soon as contact was made. I immediately iced/elevated and took a handful of anti-inflammatory's and tried not to cry in front of the boys. After all, who hurts themselves vacuuming?

 I walked around for about a week and Steve finally made a comment that I will never forget.."How long did you walk around with a broken back before you went to the doctor?" my reply.."6 weeks" his reply," are you going to wait that long this time?"

I made an appointment for next day. x-ray, was negative. See I thought... Well, 2 weeks later and it wasn't any better. To make a long story short, I did break my second toe with confirmation from MRI, and  I was in  a CAM walking boot for over 8 weeks .My bucket list idea of training for the Super Seal was sunk for the year.On the funny side, I was really the best 'yo mamma"joke... breaking a toe vacuuming....

Fast forward :

Dec 2014, registration is complete, Steve and I have committed to March 15,2015. My brother Nick is joining us to race in his preparation for Vineman 2015.

So here I am today. December 17,2014. I have done my  research for  training programs, running shoes have been delivered, jog bras have been found. I am starting this journey. At the moment, we are in the throws of major remodeling on the new house and I spend quite a bit of time in the car.My schedule is busy but I will make the time. When there is a will, there is a way.

 When I talk with friends who have done triathlons there seems be a common theme. One of the three sports is challenging. A dear friend who is a true athlete in every sense of the word struggles with swimming. How strange I thought, but I came to realize that for me, running is my hurdle.

Since breaking my back and experiencing a herniated disc I have not run. It has been 3 years. I have been active, biked for miles, TRX'd , kept up with my yoga.... but no running. I fully admit that I have had  a mental block with the idea. I have been scared of re-injury and the pain that I experienced.

What I have realized through my last marathon debacle(2009) is to listen to my body. The body does not lie. If I remain clear and centered and not allow my ego to get involved, I will be just fine. So in the last two weeks, I have slowly been breaking in my new Adidas and can I tell you something? I have been humbled with  interval's but I feel FANTASTIC, post workout.

Logically I know that with any new exercise program, the first two weeks are the toughest. The body goes into a bit of shock. At the moment I feel like my legs has run a ultra but I have no back symptoms!  Objectively, I know the DOMS will subside and I will begin to find enjoyment again running.The fear of herniation no longer has a hold on me.

So back to the topic, a bucket list. Do you have one? What is important to you? What are things you want to accomplish in your life? The list is personal and can be a powerful tool in your own journey of self-discovery. Do you want to do something amazing in 2015? Maybe you want to travel, begin a new hobby,  have more energy to play with your kids, or like me, completing a triathlon .When you have quiet time, listen and put pen to paper and make your  list. You could very well be uncomfortable like I was initially at the whole idea. After some time, your desires will begin to appear on the paper.

As I plan first quarter workshops for Bliss with Mac, I am amazed at the people brought into my life. It is an absolute honor to witness life changing transformations that can occur taking small steps in the right direction. If anything here resonates with you, I welcome you to contact me personally.

This blog has become a place for my thoughts to flow freely. It has become a platform for readers to get to know me as a person. Who I am, where I come from , how I think and understanding my basic moral compass. I hope this blog has given you the opportunity to get to know me, Macara .

 I  want to humbly thank the readers that have joined me here on this silly little blog of mine. I could have never dreamed of this many page views.The response has been overwhelming. I am truly humbled by the number of readers that visit the blog. If I can in any way support you in your own goals, I am an email away.

As always, wishing you the best,